Things are going normal that day. I was out having breakfast with friends and will set off for Penang to visit my grandma in the afternoon. Since I started work, I go back every once in a month to my home, Taiping. Then my family and I would travel to Penang, my grandma's home and put up a night there. I was about to place orders at Domino's when I received that call.
My grandma met with an accident and is admitted to hospital. As nervous as I could be, I calmed myself down. "It can't be that bad. Maybe it is just a minor accident", I chose to believe. I made my way home, I saw my mum trembled. My sisters are all packing. At that point, my knees went weak. I have so much questions and fear on my head. While we travel back, complete silence filled in the car. Upon reaching Seberang Jaya's Hospital, the walk to the emergency ward was difficult. I was afraid. I couldn't breathe. My heart literally stops as though there is a huge rock against it.
Doctors say there is nothing much to be done. She had internal bleeding and looking at her age, they don't suggest operation. Everyone kept quiet. I couldn't even bring myself to look at my grandma. I cannot bear to imagine her on the hospital bed waiting for her time. My emotions are running wild, it is that scary. My heart was pumping fast, a speed I have yet to experience by far.
She is my grandma. My most loved grandparents. As I sat by her bed, I am thinking of so many things and yet I cannot figure out what I am thinking. I remembered all the good times we had. I recalled the moments spent with her during family occasions. I desperately wanted her to wake up. "I do not want her to die", I told my dad. As hard as it to accept, my dad speaks the truth. "All living things must die, one day".
I cannot accept death. I cannot tolerate death. Death to me is a death sentence. I don't understand why us, human beings are made to die one day. Today is the 3rd week since her passing, and not one day goes by without me thinking of her. Thinking of how she left us out of a sudden. Thinking of why she was destined to leave that way. My life literally crumbles. I cannot let her go. People say it is the memories you hold onto that keep you strong. The bond I shared with her can never only be measured by the amount of memories we had. Memories are not enough to keep me occupied with her non-existence. Memories are never enough to cope with our loss.
My grandma was 78. I called her the iron lady. At 18, she lost her mother. She raised 4 of her siblings single handedly, brought up 4 children of her own and 6 of her siblings’ children. She sewed and she washed to earn a living. No matter how tough her life was, she is a fighter. I don't hear her grumble, and she never fails to provide the best to all. When my sister and I were born, she handled us with care. Those 7 long years spent with her is priceless. Though I cannot recall each and every touch of it, I vividly remembered that she accompanied me throughout the 2 years of my pre-school studies. I would cry to escape classes, but she sat with me in the kindergarten until I completed my studies. She knew that education will make a difference in my life. For without her, I won’t be standing here today as what I am.
"What do you miss most about grandma?" asked Ryan. "Her cooking!”. All the children voted the same. I could not deny. She is one of the best cook in my life. But to me, she means more than just her cooking. Her inspirations, her words of wisdom, her fairness and equality, and her love for all she knew. She taught me to be a filial daughter, to be patient and righteous under all circumstances. She spoke on the importance of tolerance and forgiveness. She loved me for who I am. And I missed everything of her. I missed her voice, her gesture and how she always wore her smile. But on top of all, I really miss her, just her.
People just don't know how fine the line is between life and death. You can have the world at this very moment, the next second you could be making your way to another world. My life is simple, really. I just want all my loved ones to stay healthy and happy. And my worst fear is death, to part with all the people I loved. But despite I like it or not, change is the only permanent thing in life. Nothing lasts forever and not you, not I, not anybody will breathe eternally. It is a road that everyone will walk.
My grandma met with an accident and is admitted to hospital. As nervous as I could be, I calmed myself down. "It can't be that bad. Maybe it is just a minor accident", I chose to believe. I made my way home, I saw my mum trembled. My sisters are all packing. At that point, my knees went weak. I have so much questions and fear on my head. While we travel back, complete silence filled in the car. Upon reaching Seberang Jaya's Hospital, the walk to the emergency ward was difficult. I was afraid. I couldn't breathe. My heart literally stops as though there is a huge rock against it.
Doctors say there is nothing much to be done. She had internal bleeding and looking at her age, they don't suggest operation. Everyone kept quiet. I couldn't even bring myself to look at my grandma. I cannot bear to imagine her on the hospital bed waiting for her time. My emotions are running wild, it is that scary. My heart was pumping fast, a speed I have yet to experience by far.
She is my grandma. My most loved grandparents. As I sat by her bed, I am thinking of so many things and yet I cannot figure out what I am thinking. I remembered all the good times we had. I recalled the moments spent with her during family occasions. I desperately wanted her to wake up. "I do not want her to die", I told my dad. As hard as it to accept, my dad speaks the truth. "All living things must die, one day".
I cannot accept death. I cannot tolerate death. Death to me is a death sentence. I don't understand why us, human beings are made to die one day. Today is the 3rd week since her passing, and not one day goes by without me thinking of her. Thinking of how she left us out of a sudden. Thinking of why she was destined to leave that way. My life literally crumbles. I cannot let her go. People say it is the memories you hold onto that keep you strong. The bond I shared with her can never only be measured by the amount of memories we had. Memories are not enough to keep me occupied with her non-existence. Memories are never enough to cope with our loss.
My grandma was 78. I called her the iron lady. At 18, she lost her mother. She raised 4 of her siblings single handedly, brought up 4 children of her own and 6 of her siblings’ children. She sewed and she washed to earn a living. No matter how tough her life was, she is a fighter. I don't hear her grumble, and she never fails to provide the best to all. When my sister and I were born, she handled us with care. Those 7 long years spent with her is priceless. Though I cannot recall each and every touch of it, I vividly remembered that she accompanied me throughout the 2 years of my pre-school studies. I would cry to escape classes, but she sat with me in the kindergarten until I completed my studies. She knew that education will make a difference in my life. For without her, I won’t be standing here today as what I am.
"What do you miss most about grandma?" asked Ryan. "Her cooking!”. All the children voted the same. I could not deny. She is one of the best cook in my life. But to me, she means more than just her cooking. Her inspirations, her words of wisdom, her fairness and equality, and her love for all she knew. She taught me to be a filial daughter, to be patient and righteous under all circumstances. She spoke on the importance of tolerance and forgiveness. She loved me for who I am. And I missed everything of her. I missed her voice, her gesture and how she always wore her smile. But on top of all, I really miss her, just her.
People just don't know how fine the line is between life and death. You can have the world at this very moment, the next second you could be making your way to another world. My life is simple, really. I just want all my loved ones to stay healthy and happy. And my worst fear is death, to part with all the people I loved. But despite I like it or not, change is the only permanent thing in life. Nothing lasts forever and not you, not I, not anybody will breathe eternally. It is a road that everyone will walk.
